A Guy's Hilarious Prank Of Putting His Dick On The Self-Service Checkout At A Grocery Store Shockingly Did Not Go Over Well
The Smoking Gun – According to cops, Christian Fisher, 31, entered the Quality Food Center market around 5 PM Wednesday and proceeded to a self-checkout scanner. He then summoned over a female employee, a Seattle Police Department report states.
When the woman approached Fisher, cops noted, “she saw that his penis was out on the stand.” The employee said she “reacted with surprise,” which caused Fisher to laugh.
A male employee said that when he saw his female coworker “reacting to something on the checkout stand,” he “walked over to see what the issue was.” The “issue,” he told police, was Fisher’s penis, which was “resting on top of the scanner.” The suspect, the report notes, “was laughing and did not make any attempts to stow away his blatantly exposed genitalia.”
Fisher fled the business before cops arrived, but he returned to the market several hours later and was confronted by workers who recognized him from the earlier incident. Fisher, cops say, ignored employee demands that he leave the store and got into a shoving match with security trying to escort him from the premises.
Police subsequently collared Fisher about a block from the store. Told that he was under arrest for indecent exposure, Fisher “became agitated and yelled ‘I didn’t whip my cock out!’”
Nothing worse than when a hilarious and inventive prank like “putting your dick on a thing and then asking someone to check out said thing” backfires right in your face. Poor Christian Fisher just wanted to go around to local self-service checkouts and bring some quality dick based humor to those around him, a real charitable endeavor like a canned food drive or charity car wash. And instead he’s now getting booked for assault and probably going to end up on some sex offender list. It must be very disappointing for this classy gentleman to have his name dragged through the mud for such a classic pud mix-up. No way this man could have possibly anticipated that reaction.
At the same time, and with a very enthusiastic #nohomo, I’m kind of curious at how much his dick was weighing in here. I know tits in theory weigh a few pounds but a dick, presumably a non-engorged one being thrust into an awkward angle on a self service checkout…that seems like you’d be lucky to clock in at 1 ounce on the register, doesn’t it? And wouldn’t that be the most demoralizing thing ever? Overall I guess my point is A) How much do unfluffed dicks weigh and B) Normally I’d associate public flasher crimes with small dicked guys but logistically I see no way this dude isn’t at least in the 70th dick percentile to pull this crime off. Case closed (besides the whole crime part).